Singing with the Radio

For over a year now I have been saying that there is nothing about the states that I miss other than family and friends...

I flew into San Francisco from Incheon, South Korea on Saturday, the 23rd of July. Customs was fairly simple and didn't take too long, however, I highly recommend giving yourself a two hour window for connections or you might end up running to your next gate with your shoes in your hand. Once I arrived at Washington-Dulles it was just a matter of getting my bags and shuttling to Budget to rent my car. I drove a few minutes south and stayed at a Marriott in Westfields. Gorgeous place. It was night and I was exhausted and I hadn't thought much about being back home.

On Sunday, I slept in, ordered room service and then left the hotel rested and refreshed. I was given a Toyota Corolla to drive and after driving my little Hoopty in Korea, I must say it was a really nice change of pace. I don't think I have driven over 40 miles per hour since I left home over a year ago and to be able to drive over 60 again was such a great feeling. Not to mention that the roads seemed wide enough for two and there were no pedestrians! As I was driving and listening to stations that were NOT AFN, and enjoying the wide roads, I realized that I had missed it here. Immensely!

I passed farms and farmer's markets, recognizable store signs, traffic signs I could read, and mountains that rose in the distance. There were houses large and small, and businesses large and small, and just an amazing openness of space. I had lived in wall to wall buildings and with wall to wall people for so long that I had forgotten how it felt to live and drive in wide open spaces.

As I sang along with the radio I realized that while I really enjoyed living in Seoul, and experiencing another culture, nothing will ever replace my country. This way of life that is so good. It gives me a new found pride in my home, in my country - something to fight for. And that feels good.

I have missed my America.

The Adventure Can Wait a Day or Two... or Seven.

I love the Army. I love being in the Army. But there are some things that make being in the Army a real pain in the ass. Like feeling unwell for instance. I could boil the whole scenario down to two words; no compassion.

I think there is some kind of pressure to think that since we are soldiers, we must not give into sickness; we must push through the pain and keep on keeping on. That is all well and good, but quite frankly, there are days in the military when I would prefer to just have the job, and not the adventure. Truly.

The process goes like this... you wake up ill, or maybe you have spent the whole night in the ER and you just cannot get yourself up and moving in the morning for physical training. Maybe you are too terrified to venture more than 15 feet from the bathroom, but get up you must. And this is why.

You have to go to sick call for a slip that says you can stay home. Seriously.

It doesn't matter that you are dumping the contents of your stomach every 5 minutes, or that you are delirious with fever. You must get yourself to sick call. And why? Paperwork.

Case in point. Recently I had to have surgery. Granted it was outpatient and not very intrusive, but I had surgery nonetheless and I was in a bit of discomfort. Although the drugs helped with that, I really just wanted to stay home and sleep. No can do! Since my doctor had generously granted me convalescent leave instead of just quarters, I had to fill out a leave form and submit it to my supervisor. Now you would think that under the circumstances I could print out the form and fill it out, sign it and scan it, then email it to my supervisor for my records, right from the comfort of my own home. But no. I had to go into the office, the day after surgery and fill it out on my office computer so it had a digital signature. Really?

Now let me just interject something about my supervisor here. It wasn't her that was insisting on the digital signature but her supervisor... I need to say that MY NCO is amazing. She is a new Sergeant and she makes her soldiers needs a priority. She was going to bring to my house something that would allow me to do all this from home, but I could not see adding even more to her already long week of work. I wanted her to look good without all the added trouble. So I went to the office. I would take a bullet for her, and I would follow her wherever she needed me. Her supervisor, on the other hand, is on her own.

Anyway, yesterday, I woke up ill. Nausea and cold sweats alternated with stomach cramps and an intense fatigue. It sucked. But I dragged my weary self to work anyway because I HATE sick call.

Needless to say, I made it through the day and actually started feeling better by the end of it. But man, it was one of those times when I longed for a civilian job and a less accountable life style. The adventure could have waited another day...

No. You Don't Have My Permission...

...To make me feel inferior because you are consumed with your own importance.

...To belittle and demean other soldiers in front of me.

...To use your rank as an excuse to exercise power over my mind and body.

...To express thoughts and make comments like you know me, when you clearly do not.

...To threaten me.

...To judge me based on office gossip.

...To decide my future based on your personal feelings about me instead of my performance in my job.

...To lead me astray from Army Values because you see no need to cultivate those qualities in yourself.

...To think I can't shoot because I am a "girl."

On the other hand, you DO have my permission...

...To get help deflating your head so as to get through the office door.

...To counsel soldiers in the way they should go respectfully and with your own good example.

...To use your rank to aid me when I need help and boost my confidence to lead others.

...To get to know me as a person and as a soldier, in a group... when I am not armed.

...To help me practice my Combatives training, again in a group, when I am not armed.

...To stop office gossip by shutting your own mouth.

...To give me the tools I need to decide my future plans and assist me in starting that process.

...To cultivate the Army Values that you have strayed from so heinously.

and

...To stand in as a target so I can practice not shooting "like a girl."