Is It Over? Already? Again?

Well, it's that time again. You know. When New Year Resolutions are made and the future looks bright with hopes and dreams. I could make all kinds of resolutions, but I imagine it will go the way of last year. My motivation will last for a few weeks and then the daily grind of life will kick me in the teeth a few times, I will learn my lesson, and then return to the same old me. Full of good intentions and dreams...

I do have to say that, unless there is money involved, I can pretty much make my dreams come true. IF I want them bad enough. When there is money involved, I usually resort to wishing I could win the lottery... which I never play... This year though, I will keep my dreams and resolutions simple and reachable.

I have some career goals... to be the best little Army Court Reporter I can be, to go to the promotion board and get picked up for Sergeant. To put my packet in for an Army scholarship to get my Master's Degree in Art Therapy, then direct commission as an Army officer. (Don't get me wrong, I like being a court reporter, but my passion is people...)

I also want to be sure my Mom has a permanent place. One that cannot be taken from her. She alone has given her full support and unconditional love to me since the day I was born. I want to be there for her and I want to live close to love on her for a long time.

I want to continue to make a difference in the lives of people I meet every day. I want to be a force for good. Wait... I was going to keep it simple... that isn't always simple... and sometimes, regardless of my best intentions, it isn't always reachable. However, there must be some kudos for effort... no matter what, I will, once again, start the year out with a positive attitude...

Oh, and maybe, just maybe, I will get this blogging thing back on my to-do list... I hope I can find enough to say! :p

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Determination Rules the Day

Well, it has been one full week in Court Reporter Class here at the JAG School in Charlottesville, Virginia. The University of Virginia Campus is beautiful and the Residence Inn where I am staying is quite nice. All is well. So far.

I have managed to pass the first two exams and took the third one today. Today's exam was longer and harder than the other two and I lost track of time. I completed it, but barely! Most of the time I am the first one done but this time I was one of the last two! Craziness!

The only thing that worries me is the tape test that I will inevitably have to do when I am over my max weight. The PT test itself should be fine - I have some time to get my push ups and my run "up to speed." The sit ups have not been a problem for me before, so I don't anticipate them being a problem now. If only I could trade push ups and sit ups with one of the guys in my class - what a great PT test that would be! UGH!! This stresses me more than anything else - I want to just get myself down below my max weight. You wouldn't think that would be hard, but I am finding it increasingly difficult to lose any weight at all, no matter what diet and exercise program I follow. :(

Despite this, I am actually having a good time in class. Our instructors have been both informative and fun. The area I am in is wonderful and has all kinds of things I never knew I missed. There is a Chick-Fil-A here that my hubby wants a milkshake from - not quite sure how to send that to Korea... There is a Waffle House for my hangover from the partying I am going to do after I pass that damn PT test and Tape... There are all kinds of places to find clothes for my leave after I graduate... (I need shorts.) I am sure there is a Jazz Bar somewhere here I can go to in order to chill after a long week of learning... and I cannot wait to go horseback riding in the Shenandoah State Park. I am sure that will be the highlight of my stay here in the great State of Virginia (sorry JAG School.)

I am loving the opportunities that the Army is giving me. There are always days when I want my old, unaccountable life back, but really, I have to ask myself if my life would truly be better out of the Army. I don't think so. I hope the Army will keep me around a while.

There are major changes in the military these days. We are weeding out the too old and too weak and the unwilling. I hope to not be considered as any one of these. I am steadily taking care of all the things that would hold me back from being the capable, strong and determined soldier that the Army wants and needs. I hope my chain of command sees the effort and guides me with the best of their ability. And where they will surely let me down, I am resolved to reach deep and pull that guidance from within.

I will not let someone else decide whether I succeed or not.

Army Strong HOOAH!

Singing with the Radio

For over a year now I have been saying that there is nothing about the states that I miss other than family and friends...

I flew into San Francisco from Incheon, South Korea on Saturday, the 23rd of July. Customs was fairly simple and didn't take too long, however, I highly recommend giving yourself a two hour window for connections or you might end up running to your next gate with your shoes in your hand. Once I arrived at Washington-Dulles it was just a matter of getting my bags and shuttling to Budget to rent my car. I drove a few minutes south and stayed at a Marriott in Westfields. Gorgeous place. It was night and I was exhausted and I hadn't thought much about being back home.

On Sunday, I slept in, ordered room service and then left the hotel rested and refreshed. I was given a Toyota Corolla to drive and after driving my little Hoopty in Korea, I must say it was a really nice change of pace. I don't think I have driven over 40 miles per hour since I left home over a year ago and to be able to drive over 60 again was such a great feeling. Not to mention that the roads seemed wide enough for two and there were no pedestrians! As I was driving and listening to stations that were NOT AFN, and enjoying the wide roads, I realized that I had missed it here. Immensely!

I passed farms and farmer's markets, recognizable store signs, traffic signs I could read, and mountains that rose in the distance. There were houses large and small, and businesses large and small, and just an amazing openness of space. I had lived in wall to wall buildings and with wall to wall people for so long that I had forgotten how it felt to live and drive in wide open spaces.

As I sang along with the radio I realized that while I really enjoyed living in Seoul, and experiencing another culture, nothing will ever replace my country. This way of life that is so good. It gives me a new found pride in my home, in my country - something to fight for. And that feels good.

I have missed my America.

The Adventure Can Wait a Day or Two... or Seven.

I love the Army. I love being in the Army. But there are some things that make being in the Army a real pain in the ass. Like feeling unwell for instance. I could boil the whole scenario down to two words; no compassion.

I think there is some kind of pressure to think that since we are soldiers, we must not give into sickness; we must push through the pain and keep on keeping on. That is all well and good, but quite frankly, there are days in the military when I would prefer to just have the job, and not the adventure. Truly.

The process goes like this... you wake up ill, or maybe you have spent the whole night in the ER and you just cannot get yourself up and moving in the morning for physical training. Maybe you are too terrified to venture more than 15 feet from the bathroom, but get up you must. And this is why.

You have to go to sick call for a slip that says you can stay home. Seriously.

It doesn't matter that you are dumping the contents of your stomach every 5 minutes, or that you are delirious with fever. You must get yourself to sick call. And why? Paperwork.

Case in point. Recently I had to have surgery. Granted it was outpatient and not very intrusive, but I had surgery nonetheless and I was in a bit of discomfort. Although the drugs helped with that, I really just wanted to stay home and sleep. No can do! Since my doctor had generously granted me convalescent leave instead of just quarters, I had to fill out a leave form and submit it to my supervisor. Now you would think that under the circumstances I could print out the form and fill it out, sign it and scan it, then email it to my supervisor for my records, right from the comfort of my own home. But no. I had to go into the office, the day after surgery and fill it out on my office computer so it had a digital signature. Really?

Now let me just interject something about my supervisor here. It wasn't her that was insisting on the digital signature but her supervisor... I need to say that MY NCO is amazing. She is a new Sergeant and she makes her soldiers needs a priority. She was going to bring to my house something that would allow me to do all this from home, but I could not see adding even more to her already long week of work. I wanted her to look good without all the added trouble. So I went to the office. I would take a bullet for her, and I would follow her wherever she needed me. Her supervisor, on the other hand, is on her own.

Anyway, yesterday, I woke up ill. Nausea and cold sweats alternated with stomach cramps and an intense fatigue. It sucked. But I dragged my weary self to work anyway because I HATE sick call.

Needless to say, I made it through the day and actually started feeling better by the end of it. But man, it was one of those times when I longed for a civilian job and a less accountable life style. The adventure could have waited another day...

No. You Don't Have My Permission...

...To make me feel inferior because you are consumed with your own importance.

...To belittle and demean other soldiers in front of me.

...To use your rank as an excuse to exercise power over my mind and body.

...To express thoughts and make comments like you know me, when you clearly do not.

...To threaten me.

...To judge me based on office gossip.

...To decide my future based on your personal feelings about me instead of my performance in my job.

...To lead me astray from Army Values because you see no need to cultivate those qualities in yourself.

...To think I can't shoot because I am a "girl."

On the other hand, you DO have my permission...

...To get help deflating your head so as to get through the office door.

...To counsel soldiers in the way they should go respectfully and with your own good example.

...To use your rank to aid me when I need help and boost my confidence to lead others.

...To get to know me as a person and as a soldier, in a group... when I am not armed.

...To help me practice my Combatives training, again in a group, when I am not armed.

...To stop office gossip by shutting your own mouth.

...To give me the tools I need to decide my future plans and assist me in starting that process.

...To cultivate the Army Values that you have strayed from so heinously.

and

...To stand in as a target so I can practice not shooting "like a girl."

A Craving for Inspiration

I want to thank Kim over at Cravings of a Lunatic for awarding me a shout out and adding me to her list of "readables." I have never seen myself as much of an inspiration and still find it amazing that anyone would be at all interested in what I have to say. For the past year I have managed to say so little and now that I have been recommended, I feel a bit more pressure to produce! Thank you Kim! You were just what I needed to get me blogging regularly again. I must say, however, that I would rather read about food and try your amazing recipes than read about the day of an Army soldier which, truth be told, can be kind of tedious.

I started this blog to help my husband more efficiently inform family and friends of what was happening during my Army Basic Training, and also update them on addresses to write too, etc. I never expected it to be inspiring - I mean, really, who gets inspired by the daily grind of Basic Training! I have enjoyed it though and I love hearing how it has inspired others to take up the cross of the American Soldier; to try things they never thought they would, or could; to pursue their own dreams no matter how old they were. These things are what keep me going now. While I will be very honest about life in the Army; and let's face it, these days the life of an American Soldier can be trying at best, and down right hell at its worst; I have to say that I still manage to see the silver lining in almost all situations. I mean, really... who wants to hear a soldier whine?

As part of this award I am to tell you 7 things about myself. Yes, SEVEN.

1. I am a Gypsy. Truly. I believe that my father's family tree has them, and if it does not it is missing branches. We traveled across the United States 4 times and I have been to all but 3 states, which are Oregon, Washington and Alaska. I have lived in 9 states, the longest being Georgia. See? A Gypsy.

2. I am certified in 2 therapy programs for those who suffer from Alzheimer's Disease. One is Memories in the Making, an art therapy program and the other is Timeslips, a storytelling therapy. I don't know why I feel called to this but I do. I plan on using them to help soldiers.

3. I want a horse. Someday I am going to have one. I want to ride across the United States as a fundraiser for wounded soldiers.

4. I love to try new foods. Even crazy kinds of foods... but I cannot bring myself to try the silkworm larvae that they boil here in Korea... it's just too much. I could see myself as a world traveler trying foods all over the globe. That would be an amazing adventure.

5. I am Level 1 Certified in Art Clay Silver and make whimsical jewelry for friends and family. I don't sell much but when I do it pays for itself. I am also Level 1 Certified in Combatives. I am now able to take down the uneducated... somehow I don't think these are remotely related.

6. I love all things art - I draw, paint, sculpt, do lithography, prints, and write... occasionally.

7. I am a tomboy and a weapons junkie. I don't have to know all the specs to the weapons - just that I can use them and hit what I am aiming at.

I don't follow a lot of blogs, unfortunately, I just don't have the time to devote to it. But I will list the ones that I do. Follow them at your own risk.

First and foremost is my husband's blog - The Worst Boy Scout Ever - I wish he would write more. He really is a funny guy. Maybe you all can convince him to write since he won't listen to me.

I would like to list my son's blog here but he hasn't updated his in ages... he comes by it honestly.

You must check out the blog of the superwoman who gave me this award - Cravings of a Lunatic. How can I best say this? Yummy. If I lived near this woman I would now be approaching 300 lbs.

The woman who knows all things Art Clay and who is the best teacher of it in the world - really - has a blog called Here There Be Dragons. She doesn't write often but when she does it is great! Scroll down to the bottom and you can access her gallery as well as the blog of her sister Eva Moon. So very worth a visit, or two or fifty...

My dear friend Shay Fabbro has several sites. She is an author and has self-published. Excellent reads - both The Chosen and Dangerous Reflections. I am proud to say that I knew and loved her before she got to be a rich and famous author. She is a very entertaining writer and a scientist to boot! Follow her at The Immortal Words of Dr. Fab and The Adventures of Alexis Davenport

Fearlessly Feminine is another blog I love. This amazing woman was with me during my Army training at Fort Jackson as a Paralegal Specialist. Every Friday we had the coffeehouse to go to to unwind from the week of madness that is mass training. Andrea also turned me on to the best kept secret at Fort Jackson - Victory Ranch sponsored by Cadence Ministries and run by a dear couple, Ron and Pam Weinzapfel. Andrea, Ron and Pam have hones the art of loving on soldiers. Something that is desperately needed during training.

I don't know if I found this blog through a friend or a search... can't remember, but I love her way with words. You can find Karen at karenjonesgowen and Coming Down the Mountain: A Writer's Blog

So, now I have to let these people know I have named them... the pressure builds!

Official Rules of the Award

1) Thank the award-giver(s) and link back to them in your post.
2) Tell your readers seven (7) things about yourself.
3) Give this award to up to fifteen (15) recently discovered bloggers.
4) Contact those bloggers and let them in on the exciting news.

Fear Be Gone!

So I lived through Army Level 1 Combatives training. I am now certified. Next stop - the Promotion Board. It looks to me that while in the Army, there will be no end to the things that will inspire fear in me and give my quickly developing ulcer more fodder. Yay. With the changes in the way the Promotion points are counted I am not sure I have enough to be promoted anyway - that kind of takes the pressure off a bit. And like my NCO says, "just give me 20 minutes." I think I can handle that.

I realize that personal growth cannot happen without getting out of my comfort zone and I also realize that I haven't seen that zone in quite some time now. I am not sure I would know what to do if I found myself in it again. Would I slowly get sucked into a recliner black hole and endless supply of salt and vinegar chips? Probably.

Although when I do imagine the scene, it has several powerful weapons in it. I just cannot see myself without Black Betty. Even now, when she is safely stored in the Armory, I imagine her propped in front of me, pop up targets waiting to be obliterated.

Fear be gone!

Don Your Boots!

Fear. It seems to me that I have always been afraid.

Fear of failing followed me all throughout my school years, until high school anyway, where my fear of being a goody two shoes far outweighed my fear of bad grades.

Fear of being alone made me go boyfriend to boyfriend, husband to husband. Until now of course. I have been completely unafraid of being alone for twelve years now... it has since been replaced with the fear of NEVER being alone! (Just kidding David - Love you Honey!)

Fear of never being good enough followed me throughout the growth of four amazing, but oftentimes completely frustrating, children I call my own. This fear was validated on a daily basis when I was told quite plainly by them that I was not ever going to be good enough.

Fear of being physically maimed. This is a big one. The thought of it paralyzes me at times.

Fear. I hate it and I loathe it at the same time that I love it. Fear gives me an excuse to NOT do something. That being said: I have never let fear keep me from doing what I REALLY wanted to do, or what I felt I HAD to do.

I donned my boots! Pulled myself up by my bootstraps!

I learned in Army Basic Training that while we may feel fear, fear does not have to control us. It can't, or how would we get any soldiering done at all? It is when we allow the fear to take control and stop us from doing things, that we lose completely.

During the Confidence Courses there at Ft Jackson, SC, I developed a paralyzing fear of a log that I had to cross to get to the zip line that I REALLY wanted to do! It slowly crept up on me while watching another battle buddy struggle with it. I had been fully confident before that, even though it was twenty feet off the ground! It took me forever to get across that thing - but get across I did. I had no choice - The Drill Sergeant said so!

This week I am in training for Level 1 Combatives. It involves the strenuous working of muscles I didn't know I had and joints that DON'T MOVE THAT WAY! Dammit. The drills are intense and can result in injury - remember the physically maiming fear I mentioned above - yeah, that one - it lives. But after the first day I am only a little bruised and battered. So there is hope that I will survive the next few days to write again. In other words, I donned my boots and pulled myself up by my boot straps.

I highly suggest you try it. Life is amazing when you do so.

My Seoul

I love Seoul. Truly. I like to describe it as New York City on Steroids. For this episode of Combat Boots, I have decided to make a list of the things I love.

I LOVE my Villa and its accompanying luxuries. Such as the fact that it is all one floor (unlike my house in the states), it has heated floors, the large bathrooms are user and cleaner friendly (drains in the all tile floor in an all tile room), utility costs are minimal (mostly I think because we are on the 4th floor), and the VIEW! I can't say enough about the view! It is quite certainly, amazing. The view of Banpo Bridge includes a water show, where jets spray out the side in all kinds of different patterns. Entertaining and lovely to watch while sipping a glass of wine. The balcony wraps around the side of the Villa and is large enough for a BBQ, some chairs and a table. It is a favorite hangout for my smoking friends when they visit. In the summer, we can open the windows and the breeze cool us down quickly. The only time we really must have the air conditioner on is in the middle of summer when it is the hottest and at night... I hate sweating at night. There is an elevator for grocery day but the stairs for those days when a little exercise is a must (like right before a weigh in or a PT test!) My car is safely ensconced in the garage below and stays accessible to me regardless of what the weather brings. It is truly a wonderful place to live. I feel spoiled and I am building up the memories here for when I am deployed, living in a tent with no luxuries whatsoever - for I know those days are coming!

Korean ovens. I don't ever have to worry about cooking large meals again. My oven fits a Guinea Hen rather nicely, and well, a large chicken... not so much. I think this should help with keeping my entertaining to a manageable level. Us and another couple should do it.

Online shopping. I am getting good at it. Especially since I went into a Korean lingerie shop and they measured me for a bra. The women there exclaimed many exciting things in Korean while covering their mouths and chortling... and I had to walk out empty handed and with a rather red face. It was also rather disconcerting to find myself in the plus size category as a size 8. I do love the fact that I can wear anything I want. It really is anything goes here in the fashion department. Now if only my husband felt that way...

Seoul is a walking city. I could get along here just fine without a car. On rainy and cold days, and also super hot days, it isn't so much fun -but it can be done fairly easily truth be told. The subways, buses and taxis all coexist to make it a walkers heaven. I am not exactly going for the angel of the year award in this department, but it is something to love nonetheless.

Torrential downpours. Yes, I get to often boat to Yongsan Garrison during parts of the monsoon season. It offers a change of pace and a little excitement as I careen down the sidewalk at a breakneck speed. There is no other, or better, way to do it. Using the paddle to move pedestrians out of the way is an added entertainment. I have thought about adding a 50 cal to my boats accouterments, but it is meeting with some resistance.

Taxis. Taking a taxi is fun. I sit in the back and relax as the driver makes a way where there is none, treats traffic rules and signals as optional and gets me where I want to go in record time. I may practice a little Korean and he a little English as the ride progresses. All is good in the world. Did I mention cheap? But to drive on the roads with a taxi - well, not so much... I mean, the whole traffic rules and lights being optional thing is not so great when you are sharing the road.

My "hoopty." It is a 1994 Kia Sephia. It is ugly and temperamental, however, it was only $500 and gets me back and forth to post, albeit not beautifully. I don't ever have to worry about denting my fender or marring my paint finish when hitting a taxi that just cut me off, or moving the pedestrian that wanders into the middle of the roadway out of my way. I am perfectly happy to park it with inches to spare knowing a ding or two from the car door next to it will only add to its character. Even my grocery cart loves the way it is allowed to lean up against it, resting while bags are thrown willy-nilly into the recesses of the trunk. We have a very relaxed relationship, my hoopty and me.

Itaewon. It is a great place to walk and window, or street, shop. It is a great place to meet friends, have a meal, have a drink, or two or three. There are vendors everywhere that will sell me anything. Haggling on prices is encouraged and done with vigor. I get to do an obstacle course as I wind my way through crowds and vendor carts. And as I make my way between moving cars and veering taxis my heart gets pumping and my joints loosen. There are plenty of places for me to go, play some pool, dance to some groovy music, or otherwise, chill.

The little Korean man that yells and throws things as he walks by me in Itaewon. I know he is saying really important things... if only I could understand him... I am sure I would agree.

Bulgogi Burgers at McDonald's. Yum.

Rotiboy. Another yum and a must do when visiting Itaewon.

Vendor food. 'Nuff said.

Yes, living in Seoul has definitely broadened my horizons and opened my eyes to the many blessings I enjoy here. I am going to like being here for a few more years. There is so much more for me to experience and learn to love. I look forward to traveling into other parts of Asia as well. I want to hike Mt Fuji, scuba in Okinawa, walk the Great Wall of China and get to Russia if I can as well. Much to do, much to do...

Oh, and I love running the hills here on post. Really. I know if I say it enough and with enough enthusiasm I will believe it, and you will too.