Sunday, May 2, 2010

Streams in the Desert

There are so many new cool things to talk about. I am going to do a stream of consciousness writing for this blog because all the things I am thinking encompass different subjects.

I was walking back to the barracks a few weeks ago and all of a sudden I was surrounded by the most amazing smell. Now anyone that has spent any time at the Yongsan Garrison knows that when anyone talks of smells it is usually not in a positive way. Quite frankly, the sewage system leaves a lot to be desired and the reek of it will often attack you in the most inopportune moments - like when you are gasping for breath after a run on MP Hill. Gasping for breath generally entails mouth wide open - totally wicked gross. So back to that most amazing smell - LILACS! In full bloom. All of a sudden I had a flashback to my room in my old house on Hall Street in Portland Maine. I had the best lilac tree right outside my window and when the window was open it filled my room with the scent of its flowers. Nice memories. It made me homesick.

Last Monday I received my newly cut orders with permission to bring my husband to Seoul. A weight lifted off my shoulders as I contemplated two or three years there with my husband. Him by my side and a new fresh start for him is everything we wanted. Did I say my husband has to have surgery before he comes over to live? He does. He needs open heart surgery to replace his aortic valve which is not functioning correctly. It has been the cause of his not being able to really do anything athletic over the past five years. He is looking forward to having his life back. I am looking forward to it as well, although I am terrified of the surgery. Yes I said it out loud. It terrifies me. I will not think of life without him. Will not. But cannot help visiting this in my nightmares. I wake up in a cold sweat - cannot wait until it is over and he is well on his way to recovery. Cannot wait until he is with me in Seoul. And we are picking up where we left off before I went into training. I realized last night that we have been apart for almost the whole 9th year of our marriage. It is a wake up call in a different way - one that forces us to never take for granted what we have in each other.

I am home now on emergency leave. David has surgery on Tuesday. I don't like dwelling on it and have my own form of escapism planned. My son, Nate and I are going skydiving tomorrow. We have been planning this for a long time and now is our chance before he leaves for Okinawa and I go back to Seoul. Some might see this as selfish - skydiving right before my husband's surgery, but I see it as a way to face life head on - face all my fears face to face. To break through barriers of limitations. To awaken the courage I have inside - to glorify in the rush of adrenaline. I only wish I had long hair again for the wind to rush through...

More later, I am going to go spend some quality time shopping with my man. And my son. Before outside forces rush in and claim us.


  1. your profile picture on here is beautiful.

  2. Haven't been here in awhile and seeing that you were home for your husbands surgery, just wondering how things are going? Hope that skydiving expericence was all you were wanting it to be.