Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Don Your Boots!

Fear. It seems to me that I have always been afraid.

Fear of failing followed me all throughout my school years, until high school anyway, where my fear of being a goody two shoes far outweighed my fear of bad grades.

Fear of being alone made me go boyfriend to boyfriend, husband to husband. Until now of course. I have been completely unafraid of being alone for twelve years now... it has since been replaced with the fear of NEVER being alone! (Just kidding David - Love you Honey!)

Fear of never being good enough followed me throughout the growth of four amazing, but oftentimes completely frustrating, children I call my own. This fear was validated on a daily basis when I was told quite plainly by them that I was not ever going to be good enough.

Fear of being physically maimed. This is a big one. The thought of it paralyzes me at times.

Fear. I hate it and I loathe it at the same time that I love it. Fear gives me an excuse to NOT do something. That being said: I have never let fear keep me from doing what I REALLY wanted to do, or what I felt I HAD to do.

I donned my boots! Pulled myself up by my bootstraps!

I learned in Army Basic Training that while we may feel fear, fear does not have to control us. It can't, or how would we get any soldiering done at all? It is when we allow the fear to take control and stop us from doing things, that we lose completely.

During the Confidence Courses there at Ft Jackson, SC, I developed a paralyzing fear of a log that I had to cross to get to the zip line that I REALLY wanted to do! It slowly crept up on me while watching another battle buddy struggle with it. I had been fully confident before that, even though it was twenty feet off the ground! It took me forever to get across that thing - but get across I did. I had no choice - The Drill Sergeant said so!

This week I am in training for Level 1 Combatives. It involves the strenuous working of muscles I didn't know I had and joints that DON'T MOVE THAT WAY! Dammit. The drills are intense and can result in injury - remember the physically maiming fear I mentioned above - yeah, that one - it lives. But after the first day I am only a little bruised and battered. So there is hope that I will survive the next few days to write again. In other words, I donned my boots and pulled myself up by my boot straps.

I highly suggest you try it. Life is amazing when you do so.


  1. So...I've been meaning to talk to you about this! FEAR! Thought about skydiving,(you did it, right, with Nate?) confronting my fear...fear of heights, fear of flying, fear of fallin' fear of fear!!!! I couldn't even get on the ferris wheel with Alex the other night!
    And see how brave you are? Not sure I could publically confess to my fears so honestly as you have in this blog. Gonna try and take your advice...really want to know that amazing-ness that you're experiencing. Great Post...more please! Poochie

  2. Bet you didn't know you could attribute to such success... We made it to over 8 news publications this week..


  3. @Poochie - fear is all relative - change the perspective and it fades away... sorta. Love you Hon and we will get you on that Ferris Wheel sooner or later! :)
    @Cola - So proud to know you!! You have come so far since we first started talking. Kudos to you and your son - hopefully, someday we (and our sons) will be able to meet up and share some "war stories" about Basic Training and AIT. Keep it up Chick!!

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